It’s Monday morning and I’m supposed to be working.
Instead, I think I’ll jot a few notes here.
Things are finally starting to shape up-ish. I am moving out of the apartment, J and I are doing pretty well, the baby is doing fabulous, the cat loves *anyone* who feeds her, the job still sucks but HEY! they’re paying me, and I actually slept last night.
I finally had some time to sit by myself and *think* – uninterrupted – this weekend. Not heavy-duty, earth-shaking philosophy stuff. Just, what do I want, where am I going, what’s going on in my life sorts of thoughts. Since the Girlie came along, moments like this have been hard to come by. I realized that I am spending alot of my time spinning my wheels and doing things that I really have no interest in. This life is finite, in spite of what I used to think as a younger woman.
This is the first time in years that I thought about what *do* I want to be/do when I grow up? //shrug// I don’t know. I didn’t come up with the answer. What I did come up with is that I am NOT on the path to get there. I have no interest in the work that I do. So what to do, what to do….
So now I have a plan (of sorts – it’s subject to change, as all such plans are) but it does NOT involve me slaving away at a job that I really don’t like just because it’s expected of me. So for now the plan is pay bills, get out of debt and find a way to go to school to find something to make me happy. 🙂 Happiness is the key to happiness. Deep, eh? *laugh*
I am working as a clerical worker today *feh* and *blarg* I guess I should be happy to have a full time job with the economy/job market as crappy as it is but – JESUS! I hate this kind of &(%*$#^^^%#$&*(#&$*^&#%^Q&& filth & foul and *$(#)&%#()&)( I’m a tech writer not a go&(*^&($#&*$&#&(&)&*$^&(^$#*^$(#)
*pant, pant, pant*
Ok….feeling much better now. My boss has me calling people to make sure they still work for our company. It’s important for a variety of reasons but mostly because we are trying to set up User IDs. It doesn’t make it suck any less tho. I despise and loathe this type of clerical busy work.
At any rate….
Haven’t slept in days and days. Too stressed out and worried about everything going on I suspect. Finallly gave in and took a sleeping aid last night. Woke up all groggy and not wanting to get up. But, at least I’ve got that chemical spillover headache to distract me from the groggieness.
I think I am too pissy to really write well today.
Maybe more later when I am done with my “work” and feel less foggy…
someone close to me turned me onto this whole journal. I am uncertain if I have the fortitude to write everyday; but, I am willing to try.
The question is of course, do I fill out the the last 18 months of soap opera-y history….Or do I just write ina stream of consciousness sort of way. *slurps up some hot coffee*
*the other eye finally pops open, thank you caffeine!*
I think I will do a little of both. That satisfies my Sagittarius, free-thinking Kerouac side while giving a nod to my Capricorn structure-is-good-as-are-lots-of-details Tolkien side. 🙂
In the meantime, its off to the trenches….