In the Words of Brother Bob…

…who never once said, “Boo-yah!!”

My car is even now being fixed. The scary transmission is being replaced by one of joy and love. Really.
Ok – they initially wanted $1625.37 to replace the transmission. I, in the gentle, delicate way that I have, told them to perform biological impossibilities upon their grandmothers. Furthermore, I said, you can keep the car.

“whoa!” they replied. “Let’s not be hasty…let’s get the owner of the company on the line.”

Long story short — they are going to fix the transmission on the car as if it was under warranty –AND– they are letting me have a loaner car for the duration of the fix.

Chevy Cavalier (’97)
I like the loaner better than the stupid car that I am buying. Am now pondering the probability of Them letting me swap for the Metro.

In other news ::::

Talislanta game — large bonus points. Even if all the people, plants and animals are green, purple &/or lizard derived. Might be the guy running it though.

My game — first time DM. Running a 2nd ed. Al-Quadim adventure. Have everything all ready, getting PC character submissions evaluated. Nervous as hell. But still…looking forward to it.

Am also considering putting together a Friendly Get-Together Nite @ the Hoose once or twice a month; weekly if it turns out well. I’d prefer that the nights be for things like Scrabble, Clue, poker, gin, canasta, Monopoly and etc. Maybe some of the Cheap-Ass Games too. I like the idea of friends, family showing up and playing games and eating popcorn. *ponder, ponder*


Car still dead.

I went shopping this weekend and got some clothing for the Girlie. One of the things I got was a light cotton jacket. She adored it. So much so that when she kept it on all day yesterday and had to be convinced to remove it. (Thirty minutes, I shit you not) of cajoling, asking, comforting (because she was well and truly upset. Crying and sucking her fingers and just about hysterical “I want my jacket!); it needed to be washed. She needed to be washed. It was nite-nite time. She can wear it in the morning to school.
thirty minutes….
Do I think that this melt down was really over a jacket?
At least not completely. She misses living w/Mama and Daddy in one house. She misses the structure of our lives. Truth to be told – so do I. I miss J, I miss living with him – irritating habits notwithstanding.
We are working things out — but, its such a slow, slow process. And I have never been one for patience.

On another front – the diet seems to be going pretty well. I resisted office birthday party cake yesterday and donuts this morning. Only a slight twinge of “wish I could have those” but nothing serious. I realize that for me, at any rate – donuts and cake and chocolate are not something that I can have just once in a while.
I used to joke about being obsessive-compulsive with my smoking. But when I quit – I seemed to have replaced it with sweets and carbs. No more. I eat healthy, I drink water. My mantra – if you will.
No matter how good that queso looks.

Giraffe, I say. Tweed, tweed!

I took some sleeping draughts late last nite. Either not remembering or conveniently forgetting that this particular type takes about 19 – 24 hours to work out of my system.
But I was desperate for uninterrupted sleep. REM sleep would be nice too.
That makes me…
PC Version : Alertness Impaired
Hippy turned Geek version : chemically enhanced
the truth : somewhat stoned and damn goofy/sleepy/giddy

J came over the night before last. He was dropping off the Girlie after she’d gone to see Elantu. I snagged him and told him that we needed to talk. Given the way things had been going…his apparent lack of priorities where S and I are concerned…his less affectionate ways…etc., etc., I wanted to know where we were going – and did he want to continue to work things out? Did he in fact, want us to be a family?
No answer..non committal shrug.
I ask then, if he wants to break up and just salvage the friendship/parenting relationship.
“I don’t know.”
Ok..*deep breath* what do you want?
“I don’t know what I want.”
Lucky for me its dark. I am keeping my voice very calm and controlled though.
But he says that he loves me and doesn’t necessarily want it to be over.
Well then – what am I supposed to do? Because I am not going to hang out in limbo while you think things over for forever.
“Do you want to date other people?” he asks, an edge coming into his voice.
Not particularly; I have no one in mind to date, at any rate.
He relaxes again into a passive state as he realizes there is no direct competition.
:I am afraid that I lost my temper here. Basically, I told him that if he wanted S and I back in his life full time that he would have to woo us back. Because, then it would be obvious to me that he did care and that it did make a damn to him. I further stated that therapy would occur – no ifs, ands or buts before I moved back in. Our communication is too bad and there’s too much history that we have to work through first.
“K.” is his answer.
* Sigh*

I am so confused. I love him dearly – and want things to work out between us. But, not if there isn’t a passion to it. And I’m not just talking about sexual desire and the gratification thereof; although that is certainly important too.
No, I mean passion about each other. Where you are excited to see this person every day. Where you can’t wait to share a bit of news or even just a smile. When you trade smoking glances all day long during a get together with your friends. When you call during the day for no other reason than to hear his/her voice.
We had it at one point. And now that seems to be gone from our lives. Is it because we’ve been together for so long? Or because we’re parents? Does it just naturally get ground away by day to day life?
Gods…I hope not.

Saturday Was Bliss

I have so reached that “fuck off and die” head space with this job.
Mostly because I am not at all motivated to be here. I like a couple folks here but the majority are your basic middle-class value, Republican, white collar, sitcom watching people. Who have the idea that they are in all actuality Very Cool People ™.

At least this weekend I got to hang around the people that I love and never get to see — the people that I made my family so long ago. We laughed alot, we told stories on each other, we watched Eddie Izzard (pssbly the funniest comedi..hmm..comedianne? commediene?…the funniest transvestite I’ve seen ever). Hair brushing and back rubs commenced. Pizza and rum cake and queso/chips and gingerbread were eaten. There was much flirting and even the occasional kissing and nibbling (at least for me). All in all a fantastic-o Saturday.