This is a dream that I had a few days ago. I left it private for a few days trying to figure it out. I have now given up on that.
…and so we were at an English boy’s school walking around. This was apparently where a nephew of mine was going to school. There were three of us/them touring the school. (“I” was more in an observer capacity). The school was in Grand Prairie, Texas. It was a Saturday. Why were all the boys in the school on a Saturday? Movie night. Interior of the school looked a lot like a church. Wooden pews, vaulted ceilings, etc. Everyone there (boys & teachers alike) were wearing commencement gowns. (I’m pretty sure I’d been here before in a dream)
Wearing a cardigan, shirt and mini skirt. Charming the jewels off of one of the sisters of the students. Putting them all into a bag after getting her down for the night. Leaving and heading into the nearby desert to throw off pursuers. Being followed by a …?shiek?… Captured by him. He is impressed by the jewels. Married to him.
…waking up in the back of my car as two other people are driving it. (again more observer in dream body). I am Hispanic as are my two companions. Drive past the English school – we are in Grand Prairie. I’d worked the late shift at our resteraunt and passed out in the back of the car. I noticed the dashboard lights were on. An orange glowing image of a dog, shooting a gun to the left –oil about gone. A large, glowing orange image of Charlton Heston as Jesus center of dashboard — water about gone. Pull into a 7-11 — all they have are drinks and they are busy filling the order of another party (football players). We leave in pursuit of the necessary stuff for the car.
I’m looking at my beautiful child. She’s playing with her toys, over by the big window. Morning sunlight is streaming through and turning her hair into a multi-colored wheat field. It lays in wide curls against her waist. She’s got some sort of game involving a bus, a cookie monster doll, floor puzzle pieces, and a shovel going. “Come back Lion!” she cries.
She’s completely caught up in her world. She still hasn’t put on any clothes for the day. She’s sitting on the floor wearing her ‘roos and that glorious hair. Grinning. Telling a story. I’m sure there’s some sort of psycho-babble that covers what she’s doing. Mostly though, I don’t give a fuck what “experts” call it. She’s doing what she does best; what she enjoys doing. She’s playing.
If someone had told me five years ago that I would be weeping with the enormity of feeling (love simply doesn’t cover it) for my child — I’d have laughed in their face.
“It’s coming! Meow! Kitty’s in my house…Kitty what’re ya doing in my house?”
My best friend often tells me that we need to get the film/accoutrements for the digital camera and get all this cuteness on film. I’m really in no hurry. I have her in my head all the time.
Warm wriggly child in the bed at four AM because she’s woken up and needed “snuggies”.
Small, pudgy hands on either side of my face as she tells me that she loves me.
Cries of “Tickle me! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!” as she giggles and runs away.
Face covered in ketchup from having her favorite san-mich and fries.
“Can I sleep in the Mama-bed?”
“Mama I’m a little hungry now. Can we have brefist?”
“I got an owie. I need a bandaid.” (pointing to a non-existent owie)
“I lub you so much in the whole world”
There’s more…but it’s a location thing. You’d have to be here.
A long weekend pursuing goals. And we’re not talking little pansy goals, either. No, no. We’re talking life goals. Family goals. Spiritual goals. Stuff that keeps most sane people awake at night. Stuff that keeps the crazies spinning in place.
J and I are going to pursue college now. We’ve both reached a place in our life where we realize the daily grind of 8 to 5, Monday thru Friday jobs aren’t what we want. We have some ideas – mainly those of becoming teachers (history and math, respectively). We’ve worked in technical, computer type jobs for the last four – five years. We’re done. Completely done.
That being said – the big goal is for J and I to attain our degrees and become teachers. At that point we will choose where we want to live and then move there.
fill out the FAFSA
going to take the TASP/SAT before December.
figure out a school schedule that works with us
both of us are going to take part time jobs that work w/our part time jobs
the Girlie is not going to go to daycare anymore
we’re going to change our eating habits too
meat only once a week or so
lots of water
no more coffee/soda/tea/juice only occasionally
we’re going to start an exercise program
we’ll start with 30 minute walks every day
and yoga 3x’s a week (fifteen minutes a time)
we’re going to change the house up
convert the garage
setup the gardens
strip out the carpets
fix the fireplace
Those are starting goals – things we feel are doable. We’ll upgrade, or add more as we go on. We are so tired of stagnating.
I sat down last night and made a list of things I want accomplished by this time next year. I started off by trying to make them “reasonable” but soon gave that up. What’s the point of making a wish list if you have to have structure?
I felt much better and fairly accomplished having done that. Just recently, I’ve been in this funk. Not really sure what brought it on. Oh, I have some ideas but nothing solid. Either way though, I am sick of being blue.
However – making the list seemed to help quite a bit. So I narrowed that list down to a goal list. Things that I wanted done in a year or so. It’s a big list. Nothing on it exclusive from the others. In fact, most of it flows together.
Today I am going to take that list and try to sort out the steps to achieve that goal. Right now they seem so huge and far away. I am giong to try to make them smaller — make them in to baby steps.
Not going to look at the big picture and freak. Instead, going to look at a corner of it and go from there.
J, the Girlie and I were headed off to work and school, respectively. I was driving. I was in a lane that was quickly turning into an exit only. I looked ahead and it was completley unfinished. All rock, dirt and broken concrete. I tried to brake but couldn’t – the brakes had gone out. It was liking pushing against air. We went over one rise and suddenly we were upside down, doing some mad Mtn. Dew commercial car roll-over. We skidded the last few feet on the roof of the car.
And then we were in either an insurance claims office or a car rental place. They were evidently celebrating something as they had a *huge* buffet table out. It was piled high with cheeseburgers and something that was shaped like Cheese-Poufs – but was colored (and tasted like, my dreaming self knew) Fruit Loops. J, the Girlie and I kept eyeing the buffet table wondering if we could have any of it. And then J got to talking to one of the agents there. He described the wreck in detail. The guy seemed skeptical until J mentioned the lack of brakes. Mechanical failure! The agent and several of his friends decided to go out the site of the accident. They wanted us to come along. I was nervous but agreed to go.
And then I woke up.