anna one…anna two

Apparently I have pinched a nerve in my neck. This is causing pain to radiate down my left arm and across my chest. It was particularly bad last night – keeping me awake until nearly 2 am. I figure this is what is causing my eyelids to feel as if 30 # weights have been strapped to them. To make matters worse — I have very little to do at work today. SO there is nothing to occupy my brain for more then 5 or so minutes at a whack.
For want of anything better to write Buttons!


Finally, finally! We are done with the Release. I won’t be working 50 hour weeks for the fore-seeable future. *whew*

So much has been happening these last few weeks. Work. Spiritual stuff. Work. Home life. Work. I feel so overwhelmed; like I don’t have enough time in the day to get things done. On the other hand, I also feel like I spend my days in some gerbil habitat – running endlessly in place and getting nowhere. Both are true. The job – while it pays pretty good and is certainly helping with the bills – is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. What exactly I *do* want to do is still out for deliberation. But computers, software and all that jazz just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. Of course, I’ve done this song and dance before. Always, always I wind up finding another computer gig. I am so *tired* of this rut. Sometimes I can almost feel the wit and daring (from my “salad” days) getting sucked away by the everday grind. But I look around and see other people in more or less the same sitch as I — and they manage to do what they want. They have their lives organized — seemingly so, at any rate. They are able to combine their spirituality, family life, a social calendar, and meaningful work into something doable with nary a bead of sweat on their untroubled brows. I am so envious of people like that.
Right now I’m trying to get my high school transcripts. They’re over 10 years old so its been like pulling teeth. Then I am going to try and take the TASP. These are steps that I need to do in order to get registered for college for this fall. I am trying to do this in manageable chunks so that the enormity (at least to me) of what I am doing wash me away.

On a completely fluffy and irrelevant note — I am about 4 seconds from chopping off my hair. I keep dreaming about it all short and easy to take care of. Something that looks nice regardless of whether or not I do something. Probably just a cry from my inner (insert psychobabble here) something or other about needing change in my life.