One of the people on my friend’s list (theferret) posted about wanting to know the difference between girl’s and boy’s behavior in middle school.
It got me thinking.
There are things that I can only vaguely recall from my stint in middle school. I do remember that I was actively humiliated and harassed for a long time. It was horrible. A time when I was at my most physically unattractive and yet when my heart most needed to be liked and accepted.
I entered middle school pretty advanced puberty-wise. I’d gotten breasts by 8. By nine, I had my period. When you are that young and already developing, you look fat even if you aren’t. Added to that was the fact that I am tall and have always been tall for my age. I felt huge, esp compared to the hordes of tiny little girls all around me. I was told that I was a cow, a heifer. According to junior high wisdom, I had no grace, no allure, and absolutely no chance to ever achieve either.
To this day my ideal woman shape is short and petite. If we lived in a more cyber-punk age, I’d be at a body-shop taking 5 to 6 inches off my height and sculpting my body lines into a more androgynous shape. The fact that I’ve developed into a tall, well-curved woman with a tiny waist means *nothing* to me on a visceral level. In some small part of me, I will always consider myself to be that ungainly, fat person that gazed with envy at the teeny-tiny girls.