best bit of dialogue i’ve read recently

“Your Man Jesus seems to me a bit of a son of a bitch when it comes to women,” Roland said. “Was He ever married?”

The corners of the priest’s mouth quirked. “No,” he said, “but His girlfriend was a whore.”

“Well,” Roland said, “that’s a start.”

– Wolves of the Calla, Steven King

1. Right now I am: at home, wishing I had the night off
2. I am really craving: a week’s paid vacation
3. Last year for Christmas: we went to family’s house; it totally rocked
4. This one time I was really drunk and: you tell me….???
5. I really don’t understand why people spend money on: Hrm…I don’t generally think about that kind of stuff. It’s their money.
6. I wish I was: published
7. I can’t wait for: George RR Martin to finally finish his “Song of Fire & Ice” series.
8. If I don’t like you: I will let you know.
9. It makes me so mad sometimes: seeing people ignore/abuse/neglect their children
10. This morning: I got up at 1:35 PM.
11. Last night: I worked til 2:15 AM.
12. My best friend is: devilishly clever
13. I can’t believe: how much I have changed in the last few years
14. The last c.d. I bought was: I *theenk* it was the “Pirates of the Caribbean” soundtrack. Of course it might also have been an Oingo Boingo album. Can’t recall.
15. I really wish I drove: my own car – a Subura Forester would be nice. So would a Kia Sorrento.
16. I was really upset: for a variety of reasons on a couple of occasions
17. I was soooo happy: on Sunday at my birthday dinner.
18. Some advice I could give to you: If someone is giving good adivce then listen. No matter who they are.
19. My parents are: fabulous people. radically different than me in many ways. in another town. raising my firstborn.
20. I really wish I could have: gone to college
21. Last weekend was: extraordinarily busy
22. This weekend will be: the same, one hopes
23. I really can’t stand: being ignored
24. My computer: needs a processor, hd and media card(s) upgrades
25. One day I want to be: published..didnt’ we cover this already?
26. I can’t stop listening to: Eddie Izzard, Bill Hicks, Richard Jenni
27. The last person I talked to was: summer’s Grammy
28. I laughed so hard: I spewed a drink (sparkling water, oj and vodka) out of my nose once. Festive!
29. Who the hell: thought it was a bright idea to put candles/lights on a dead pine tree?
30. Wake up and smell the: coffee, please
31. When times get tough: I get tougher
32. Don’t ever underestimate: the power of the Ninja-Mom
33. The last time I went to a bar: was for the company holiday party last weekend
34. I could never live without: my family – they keep me sane and on track
35. In a year from now: I hope to have sold my house, my first novel and had plastic surgery
36. I have never loved anyone: the way I love my Boyz
37. This time last year: I was still hugely fat but losing weight
38. I can’t wait for: wetwear – body mods to link computers and bodies together
39. Don’t even think about asking me to: hurt my friends/family
40. I am listening to: Summer talk
41. If I won the lottery: I would pay off my debt, pay off friends debt, catch some flights to all over the world
42. Who cares what: tomorrow brings. Today is the day to live!
43. Please let this survey: amuse and inform my friends

“but before i go i’ll like to tell you that you look prettier than your age…”

……expecially with the smile you give.”

Not the thing to tell a girl on her *mumblecoughmumble* birthday.

I hate pickup lines. I hate even more badly thought-out, poorly delivered/spelled pickup lines.

No offense buddy, but you? You can take a flying leap off a short cliff.