I have one small, teeny-weeny, insy-winsy, picolo-pokalo request for the birds outside my window in the morning.
shut the fuck up.
No, seriously. I have a cat and I’m not afraid to use her. I could be on my porch before you could say “tweet!” and be hurling that cat at a hight rate of speed towards your loud-ass-at-five-thirty-in-the-goddamn-morning heads.
Flock of feathered doom outside my window: “Tweet-isn’t the not yet lit morning twitter! wooooooooonderful twEEt!?”
Me: grumbles to self, stuffs pillows over head
Flock of even louder feathered twits, maybe they called their relatives to join them, outside my window: “I SAID….TWEET, TWITTER, BURBLE!!! wake up sleepy heads!”
Me: GROWLS gets up and goes in search of a weapon
Cat: Mrr? Mrr? Mrrrmmmph!
Flock of soon to be annihilated feathery shits: “more of the same, joyful noise unto the morning O boy, O rapture!”
Me: Not enough coffee in the world to put up with you lot. FLING!
Cat: hums Superman theme Mrrrowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooo!
Flock of shocked bird meats on the wing: collectively “ooooooooooooohffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk!”
Me: heh heh heh