Month: July 2009

we got reports coming from all over!

~ Bon Steele ~ 3 Comments

*beedeep-beep beep beedeep beeep deeep beeee! beeedeep beeeedeee peeeep*

This is a late-breaking bulletin from the south central region. Message follows:

*sounds of mortar fire and explosions*

Jesus Smoked Christ, we got a situation here! We’ve got incoming – massive incoming – and we have got to get a safe roue out! Get us some fucking covering fire and I mean right goddamn now!

Message ends.

Ahh, ladies and gentlemen of the Council, we have another report. One second while I queue it up….
There.

Message follows:

*there is a distant wailing sound, like screaming heard from over a hill*

…requesting emergency bugout as soon as possible. I repeat, everything is dead – all the flora and fauna are shot to shit and if they aren’t dead they soon will be. I am the only surviving member of my team. Requesting emergency bugou…. *shrill whistling noise interrupts* …oh shit! It’s too late! It’s*huge explosion*
Message ends.

Council members. The entire region is unsafe…

*beedeep beep beep beep BEEP bedeep beep*

New incoming message follows:

Who IS this?

This Col. Das’Ich of the entire Forty-Fourth. I got a message for you cocksuckers. My people are dying droves out here. I need some backup and some cooperation. And I needed it hours ago. Now, I don’t give a good goddamn whose in charge but this situation is a total clusterfuck. Now you get them soldiers what they need to do their job or I will personally come up there and kick you everloving assholes into orbit.

Message ends.

*shocked silence*

I think that…*kaff kaff*…in light of this, err, message, we should rouse all primary substations and wake the central intelligence.

Sound the alarms. Battle stations, people. This isn’t going to be pretty.

*whoooop-whoooop-whoooop-whoooop-whoooop-whoooop-whoooop*

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Or so I imagine that is what happened in my subconscious as I as waking up. I woke up still feeling like shit. //BLEAH//
My nose is stuffy, my eyeballs feel like they’ve been sanded. Throat’s sore too. Also, because I am a moron – I was up until 8 AM reading. So I am exhausted into the bargain.

I think I’m gonna take some cold meds and take ‘er easy today. The most I am going to do is make a pot garlic soup and watch movies with Mister Man.

mmph…

~ Bon Steele ~ 11 Comments

in bad playact format for your amusement

CLOCK:    10:37 AM
BLADDER: (small, quiet voice) Um? I'd...I'd like to pee now.
ME:      (somewhat muffled) go'way
BLADDER: (voice somewhat firmer) No.I really do have to go.  
ME:      (burrows further into bed)  not listening to you
BLADDER: But you drank a gallon of water when you got home last night.
         Plus, there were margaritas.  Seriously, I gotta go. 
ME:      (from under a small mountain of blankets)  lalalalala!
CLOCK:   10:43 AM
BLADDER: (in the voice of Thulsa Doom)  Get up now and empty me, peon!!!!
ME:      **leap out bed**  Bathroom. On it.  Righty-o!