It would almost certainly be a comedy of errors.

Just this week/end:

a.) Walked into a tree at school on Friday. Stopped under it for shady protection from evil sun and to finish a text to Mister Man. Having hit “send” I took a step forward – and bashed my forehead into a low-hanging branch.
Of COURSE there were several other people around. Of the 18 year old variety. To their credit, none of them pointed while giggling. And one of them even asked, “Are you alright ma’am?”
*snarl* FINE, thanks. LEAVING NOW. *huff huff OW huff huff*

b.) The mold count is apparently through the roof this weekend. My left eye has decided my being able to see out of it is a dangerous request. Therefore, swelling and itching have commenced, to the point of squinty, eye-boogery, reddened ARGH.
This plus the faucet that my sinuses have become have made me Oh.So.Attractive this morning.

c.) Shakespeare, while a lovely author, can bite me. Right in my [CENSORED] Writing about the psychology of those [CENSORED] humors and comparing them to sonnets? EAT ME PROFESSOR.

d.) The Girl has broken ANOTHER pair of glasses.
I’ll just be pulling that $200 to replace them out of me bum, eh wot?

e.) I have to go to the dentist this week.
😦 😦 and double 😦

f.) Dear sweet mockingbirds who live in my tree out back. Yes, I *know* it is a cat. He lives here, too. Also? He is so fat as to render any question about catching you totally moot. Please stop swooping at him. All he wants to do is stare at your nest and dream.

g.) I need about fourteen hours worth of organizing work done in my office. I need shelves (the kind that go on walls, instead of freestanding) to put my reference books upon. I need other shelves to house my vast collection of random geeky knickknacks that I have acquired over the years.

h.) I MISS writing fiction. I would like to get back to it, now. No more essays for awhile, please?