I have long had insomnia issues.
At any rate, I was going through some folders and found this gem from way back in the day. I am totally sharing it because it made me giggle like a mad thing.
*lights the incense*
Mar 13, 2007
I have eaten a large meal right before bed.
I have gotten out of bed when it seems that Your will did not include me.
I have stayed in bed when your blessing had been withheld.
I have read boring texts in an attempt to court your affections, as prescribed by your clergy.
I have discontinued the imbibing of caffeine after noon, most esp. in the form of regular coffee – which is repellent in Thy eyes.
I have taken the sacred Benadryl, the sacred Dimeatapp, the sacred melatonin AND the sacred warm milk. Even though the last one made me barf like a high pressure hose.
None of these rituals have seemed to have helped. You have appeared to abaondon me.
Please, Gods of Sleep. Grant me thy absolution for whatever sin I have committed in Thy sight. Give me sleep in quantities of more than 3 hours at a whack.
Yr. Obedient and Forgotten Servant,