Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
– Traditional Nursery Rhyme
Yesterday was Thursday. And boy, howdy did it feel like I had far to go.
It still does, a bit.
On my Facebook yesterday, I mentioned that I had been attacked by gloom ninjas. That’s as good a description as any, I suppose. One minute, I was fine and then? Then I wasn’t.
I became convinced that nothing was ever going to change, that I wasting my time – why on earth should I get my Master’s degree? I am almost 42 year frickin’ years old! People like me should be working full time not trying to go to school. I have absolutely no business doing anything but getting a job – any job – and working until I can retire. And writing? PUH-LEEZE. There are thousands and thousands of people who want to write. No one wants to read my stupid scribblings. How dumb could I get?
The feeling just kept spiraling, winding me tighter into a ball of grief and regret. After a while of listening to my inner demons, I knew that nobody ever really loved me. I knew that I should just slink away and hopefully the messes that I have made would clear themselves up.
The circus looked mighty appealing.
Thank goodness Mister Man is so calm. He talked me through the worst part of the storm. He was rational. He was sweet. The best part?
The best part is that he just let me cry and rant and grieve and cry some more while he held me.
Eventually, I got a better handle on myself. We talked some more and he pointed out some of the flaws in my logic. I cried some more. Slowly, I got back to a more even keel. I wasn’t “all better.” But, I did feel like maybe better was on the horizon, somewhere. Plus, you know, I was functional.
Today I feel more capable. More like myself. I’m not going to be dancing any jigs anytime soon. I am, however, better able to believe in myself.
I’ll take that.