Amazing Sharks, How Sweet the Sound

That saved a wretch liiiiiiiiiiiiike me.

There are not enough words to express how I feel about this poster & movie.

Life is pretty amazing, wouldn’t you say?
I mean, it is this constant, ever-moving, ever-changing maelstrom. A Sharknado, if you will, that is full of lessons for you to grasp.
Sometimes those lessons are gently handed to you. Sometimes, you get bitchslapped with them. Either way, you need to take those lessons and apply them. Otherwise, what’s the fucking point?

Things that I Have Learned, Just This Week Alone:

One must really, really pay attention to the headings for online gradebooks. Grade weight ≠ Actual grade.  (i.e., that was not a 40 out of 100)  Knowing this fact will keep the HOMIGAWD flailing to a minimum.

Ginger, chipotle, turbinado sugar, butter, cinnamon, and raisins in oatmeal is delicious. We would not have found this out without a bit of before-coffee cooking.  No burn units were attended for this breakfast.

Sexy variety shows are made of win and awesome. They are especially fun with a largish group of your friends. I HIGHLY recommend going to one or four of these. If you cannot make it, try finding a burlesque show in your area.

If you start to trip during a run on your treadmill, do NOT go and Google “treadmill accident” or look at any of the videos that pop up from that search. Just sayin’.

Celebrate yourself every day; even if just means looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are awesome, with fantastic PJs and house.

So. Those were my little lessons that I got this week. What were yours?

A Slice of Fiction: Better Days


            Had there been better days? She thought there must have been. She remembered hating how the dirt piled under her fingernails. Oh, how those creeping black crescents of grime had bothered her. She would gnaw her fingernails down to the bleeding quick to keep that from happening. She remembered starting awake at noises in the night; the shrill scream of a train going by in the long tunnels was especially bad. She knew the bugs scuttling over you when you pulled the trash over to keep you safe; or to keep you warm when the rivers froze. She didn’t know the smell, not anymore. She could remember how it had once offended her. The organic smell of bodies pressed too close together, of greasy food covered in mustard. It was the smell of wine, cheap cigarettes and vomit. It was a smell that settled on your skin and into your pores after awhile.

That odor had gotten her in trouble, more than once. Because she couldn’t tell anymore, she forgot that it was foul to others. She would go into a place, wanting to get warm or buy food.  As she wandered the aisles, blissed on the heat, she would forget to watch for the dog-crinkle on someone’s face. She’d had to scramble from stores on a few occasions, with a yelling employee chasing, because of that clingy smell.  


There was a time when I was super confident in myself, in my abilities, in my special-ness. It was during my twenties, after I had escaped a particularly evil relationship. I was angry enough at everything that I just didn’t give a flying fuck what anyone thought. It is easy to be confident when you are young and angry, I think.

During that period, I met the woman who would become my very best friend. She further introduced me to a whole group of women who were confident in themselves for no other reason than they were awesome. I started to realize that being angry and risk-taking in and of itself was not particularly sane, nor smart. It was during this time that said BFF moved to Austin, TX. As I was in a dead-end job, and my then-lover had broken things off with me, I decided a change of venue was a goodness.

Home is where the heart is. And the amazing people and food and parks and clubs and and and…

It was in Austin that I found and lost misplaced some very important things. The things I found have been in staggered1 layers, and for the most part have been wonderful. The things that I misplaced were in teetering tiers of loss.

One of the most distressing ones that went into hiding was that wholehearted belief in self. Somewhere along the way, I lost my grip on the knowledge that I am supremely and fantastically human and because of that simple, single fact, I am2 amazing.

Loss of amazing can do awful, awful things to a person. Any person, anywhere. It takes your breath away, forces you to look at yourself through a lens distorted by fear. You find yourself comparing, and coming up short.

In response, I hid myself. When I did go out, I was quiet and withdrawn; or hid myself behind a curtain of bubbly (and often inane) chatter. Even in a room full of people, many of whom I was conversing with, I felt alone. A wallflower.

Go to the source page for this image. Read it.

At the start of this year, and after the meta-Verse didn’t disappear into a Mayan volcano spewing angry pets3, I came to a few important decisions.

Some of the more important (to me, at any rate) ones are as follows:

  • And while we are at it? Fuck this attenuated body image. As a friend recently told me, “Just OWN it!”
  • Because we are not passing any of this disconnected, stay home, with our heads down chattel to The Girl. She deserves better.

This is not about being an introvert, or being a bit shy. This is about losing your grip on your core personality. Everyone changes as they grow older, sure. But you shouldn’t stuff your true self into a corner, lock it down with chains and pretend that is the normal and right thing to do.

WARPED LIFE VIEW: Good heavens, are you still trying to win?
ME: Hello. My name is Bon Steele. You killed my confidence. Prepare to die.
*clang thwack clang*
WARPED LIFE VIEW: Stop saying that!
*whap clang smash*
ME: Hello. My name is Bon Steele. You killed my confidence. Prepare to die.
*thwing cling*
ME: Offer me hiding!
ME: Risky behavior, too. Promise me that!
WARPED LIFE VIEW:  All that I can inveigle you with and more! Please!
ME:  Offer me everything I ask for!
WARPED LIFE VIEW:  Anything you want!
ME:  I want my confidence back, you son-of-a-bitch!4

So, those are my Jack Handy-ish thoughts. What are yours?

1 – Staggered is an amazingly versatile word, don’t you think?
– We are amazing.
3 – Horrific Mayan mashup for the doomsday win!
4 – Totally swiped from “The Princess Bride”, of course.