I Think That Shakespeare Said it Best

of course, he often did..

 “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;”1

 Today is a day of reflection and thought. I am sitting here in my office, halfway to my 45th birthday. What, I wonder, is my mark upon this world? Do I even need to make a mark? What have I done with my life, that I could die feeling that I had lived all that I could?

And, to be fair and honest, the answer is “Quite a lot, you silly twit. Stop being maudlin.”
I have. I have a wonderful daughter. I have a wonderful set of friends and pseudo-husband. I am about to finish all the paperwork & flaming hoop-leaping required to finish my degree. I have a lovely home in a pretty, rural area.
I am blessed in so.many.ways.

But there are places I want to go, things that I want to do, that I want to see. Things that explore beyond the little confines of my life as it currently stands.

I am, usually, a grabber of horns. I want to do something, I go and do it. However, in the last few years I have felt too old, too used up, to broken, too busy, too out of shape.

“I can do anything!” became “I don’t think I can do that. I’m [___insert excuse___]” instead.

I have to tell you friends, that is a lonely way to live your life. Hiding from the world and then feeling left out?  Recipe for disaster.

Well, fuck that. I am better than that. I am worth more than fading away and sitting quiet and hoping that I will be overlooked2.

No. I will pick back up the reins of my life. I will drive myself to where I want to be, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have a plan. I have a therapist3.  I will do whatever I can to win the war on apathy and lethargy.

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1 – The quote in its entirety:

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger.”
           ― William Shakespeare, Henry V

2 – And perversely, feeling depressed when I was. Because THAT makes sense, yo.

3 – Oh, thank goodness!

 

Sedentary, Sedentary, INJURY!

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Duck, duck….well, you get it.

 

I have been a terrible person to myself.
Well, OK – more so than usual.

I have not done any exercise, other than the little bit required to get me to and from places, for months. I have been hunched over my computer, a wizened old troll writing papers or hunting for a job. Or I have been lounging on the couch, being brain-lazy and playing video games.
Neither of these options is particularly healthy, by the way.

I have had a semi-good excuse. I was in the final weeks of school, finishing up my degree. Then, with the nightmare of looming student debt, I started the job post-grad job search in earnest1.

After a few weeks of this, my body was done. D-O-N-E, done. I woke up one morning and damn near collapsed getting out of bed. My back was sending out urgent distress signals.

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dee-dee-dee-dee-deeeeeee….What?

 

When I eventually got to the doctor, she told me that I had essentially bulged a disc. The doctor was very nice – apparently weeping in pain2 is their weakness – and concerned. She did some routine exams, asked some questions and then told me that I was too old to be competition skydive-skeet-shooting.

Or, maybe I should get up and get some exercise once I had healed up from this issue. Also, that if it wasn’t much better feeling in a week, they wanted me in for an MRI and other expensive things. Of course, my initial reaction was completely grown up.

Still and all, I’m feeling better now. My back is still twingy although it isn’t making me shuffle along like a participant in a death march.

The takeaway on all this has been straightforward. Unless I want to end up in this situation again, I should get my body back into shape. Strengthen up my core and back muscles and lose the little paunch I have developed over the last year.

*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*

 

I suppose my plan of eating nachos and never running again is a violation of the rules, anyway.

FINE, WHATEVS.  PFFT.

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I will be restarting a gentle (at first) exercise program. I plan to gradually ramp it up as my back and general tolerance rebuild. I will be logging said program on Fitocracy. Hopefully, that will help keep me accountable.

Maybe this way I can achieve my dream of doing my 90th birthday skydive into a laser light show.

 

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I presume Pink Floyd will still be having these. Only, they’ll be using their robot bodies by then.

 

 

1 –Seriously, I think that 4 to 6 tailored resumes and cover letters per day is a lot. Plus, the online applications and insta-resume sends (probably 4 or 5 of those each day.) But, maybe I am wrong. What is the norm, Intertrons? What is considered a normal amount of resume sendage, on average per day?

2-She was trying to move my legs so that she could do some neurological tests (whack-a-knee is the medical term for it, I believe) to see if I had perma-damaged myself or no. I didn’t exactly burst into tears (SPOILER: I totally did) but, she must have seen through my gritty exterior to extreme pain that the movement caused.

I See You

Pre-coffee pondering1:  I thought Facebook was supposed to be a social media? That it should actively encourage people to interact with one another. Instead, empirical evidence suggests that it is more of an acknowledgement tool.

People post something and then others ‘like’ or ” 🙂 ” their words. This is not necessarily a bad thing, being acknowledged as having said something is also important. But it, I think, misses at least some of the point of social media, and Facebook in particular.

And all of this was brought on by seeing people (myself included) ask questions on their wall – and have people ‘like’ the comment and say nothing.  ImageOr, in response to said question, people smiley-face and/or *HUG*!

 

 

ImageI’m equally guilty of this. I think, or rather, it often is for me, a way to say “ooh, I hear you and Imma answer you, but cute kittens/puppies are the greatest thing ever!”

 

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Anyway, I didn’t have a solution or anything. I was just drinking my coffee while reading FB and happened to notice a thing.

 

1 – Under-caffeination is a serious affliction. Won’t you please help?

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