“You drive like the insipid whelp of a week-dead jellyfish. Grow some vertebrae or get out of the passing lane.

Love and kisses,
~the woman trapped behind you

I am an idiot savant. Or, at the very least, I am an idiot.

Took my assessment test at ACC yesterday. Apparently, I am brilliant as a reader, writer and English grammatical person. Math? Yeah, not so much. The counselor damn near patted me on the head as she said*, “Ah, its OK! You can do better, right? Everybody has a hard time with math! There, there.”

Long story short — my degree plan only requires 1 (count ’em, ONE) college-level math course. But, I failed the math assessment SO bad that they are recommending** that I take TWO Math:Basic courses (I feel like a Rifts character) before attempting the one that I actually require.


Anyone wanna tutor me? I will trade one home cooked meal a week for a couple hours of “what in the heck does that mean?”

My head hurt so bad yesterday that I considered whapping it into into a brick wall to get some relief. But, I persevered. And took ALOT of Excedrine. Long about midnight, it finally relented. ahhhh…its done Or so I thought. I was figuring that it was a combination of stress and not eating until 2PM. But, damn if I didn’t wake up with another headache this morning.

Anyone wanna rub me?

*- I am paraphrasing. But, not by much.
** – where “recommending” = requiring
** – the Alfred Hitchcock theme song. I have some decidedly odd music.

Dear Universe,

Today’s message is unclear, Universe. I am getting mixed messages: “Whoa…wtf?”, “Fuck you, you fucking fucker!” and “die,die,die,die!”

First off, may I say your timing sucks? A cold sore right before I head out of town to meet my BF’s parents is so fucking uncool.

Also? Last night’s dream was ten different kinds of weird. The setting — me about ten years ago, but blonde, Suicide Girl-ish and wearing a business skirt/suit thing. I worked for a law firm that defended elementals. We had a new client – Pink Bleeding Ice – which is some sort of flower according to my dream. Our firm had been hired to defend her against a combined drug/murder charge. I think I remember her pollen being very intoxicating and in higher doses, lethal.
She was tall, slender and had bright cotton candy pink hair – think Bubble Gum Crisis sort of cute. I had taken her to a high school to get her re-enrolled because it was important that she be perceived as “normal”. While we were there, we ran into another Pink Bleeding Ice flower. And, that’s about where I woke up. So. What are you trying to tell me, hmmm? I gotta say that while I am entertained, I am *extremely* confused.

My morning commute is already fun enough without adding the drunk person to the mix. So, a big hearty BITE ME to the asshole in the white Maxima. You damn near took off my front bumper this morning weaving back and forth across the highway, while doing 10 MPH *less* than traffic around you. mmmm…beer for breakfast. SO healthy. SO nutritious. SO smart. May you be rolled in butt-nuggets and fed to bears.

No Love This Morning,

ride to drop off the Girlie

MOM – me
SUM = The Girliekins, Her High Goofyness

MOM: Brush your hair! We are almost to the bagel place!
SUM: *mumbles something*
MOM: Couldn’t hear you – what’d you say, honey?
SUM: I can’t tell *you*! Its part of my evil plan.
MOM: What evil plan is that?
SUM: That would be telling. But, its *evil*.
MOM: Oh?
SUM: Yeah. It has my name in the title.

– verbatim –


On the one hand – wow, bad fucking news from Florida yesterday.
On the other – well, D might be coming to live in TX earlier than anticipated.