So far, my day has been very amusing

In a discussion of going to see GotG, the Girl was trying to figure out who to take with us. She mentioned several kids that had been here at her birthday party and that she would be terribly excited to see them again. To which I said, “We’re getting the band back together.”

To which *she* said, “…Uh, what?”

 She missed a Blues Brothers reference.

I am so ashamed.

#parentingfail

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LOL.  Alright, in continuing the above conversation the Girl also said that I sometimes terrify her friends. I was all like, but I’m super nice!  And way friendly!  And things.

She rolled her eyes and replied that while that was all true, it didn’t change the fact that they were a little scared of me.

Which sidetracked us into a ten minute spiral of bad puns.

Genghis Bon– ancient warlord

Check out my resting bitch face
SOURCE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genghis_Khan#mediaviewer/File:The_Big_Statue_of_Chinggis_Khaan.JPG

Bon Noonien Singh — modern warlord

 

Evil AND devilishly handsome
SOURCE: http://cf.badassdigest.com/_uploads/images/17185/khanseed__span.jpg

the Anvil of Mom– great battle song

Mawm — caped demonesque hero

REALLY sucks to be you, right now
SOURCE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spawn_(comics)#mediaviewer/File:Spawn_Classic.jpg

Tae Bon Do — martial art style

 

 

She made me stop after that. 

ISO 2 BDRM 2 BTH w/Z LL & FP

I am driving up to DFW, today. Right after my daughter gets out of school, as a matter of fact. I am both looking forward to this trip and dreading it.

For the next 150+ miles, everything will be flat and boring. Fortunately, I have PLENTY of road construction to keep you occupied. Yay!

 

 

For one, I hate that drive. I-35 may be a convenient straight-shot, but it is an ugly, boring route.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, I will be helping Mom pack for her upcoming (surprise!) move. She sold her house – much to her chagrin. I asked her why she had put her house on the market if she didn’t actually want to move. She said that she had done so before really looking at the places she wanted to live. Her original intention was to move closer to my brother and his family. They have new twins to go along with their five-year-old boy. They live out north of Dallas, in the Plano-Carrollton area. Upon looking, she discovered that the For-Sale Housing market is made of $pendy right now, esp. in that area. But her house sold before she made that revelation.
Apparently, you cannot back out of a sale once you’ve signed the contract. I laughed a little when she told me that. She sounded so exasperated.
Poor Mom. She has to be out by end of December. Thank goodness she has a place to go – the house that she had been renting out is between tenants right now. As a bonus, I prefer the neighborhood that it is in.

There are about a million things to pack. Carefully pack. Dishes, paintings and pictures, books and tchotchkes galore. Detritus from her three now-grown children, her recently passed husband and mother.

Even though packing up everything will be depressing, I feel that this is a good move for Mom. This is the house Mom & Dad picked out to live his retirement. It is where Dad suddenly finished his life. It is the house where she had the news that her mother was passing. It will be good for her to be in a place without so many sad memories.

Of course, opinions are like…well, you know the phrase. Mom is more irritated than woebegone. The place she will be living in is farther from where she works; and much farther from her new grandbabies. Plus, she doesn’t really like that house.

Maybe we will go house-hunting while I am there?

*laugh*

Usually, I delete whatever my mom forwards me. This is mostly to ensure harmony and good will between us as our political/religious/sociological views are *quite* different.

However, sometimes she sends one that I get a giggle out of; and that is the case with todays:

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.