Driving to work today reminded me of an important fact:

Texas Hill Country smells like an undead troll’s gym socks when it rains. Its this unholy combination of sour earth, petro-chemicals, sulphur and something definitely organic rotting. Its horrific. And there was *no* escaping it. Usually, I like the smell of the rain. But, not while driving through (insert announcer type voice here) Beeee-youuuuuuuuu-ti-ful Texas Hill Country! With acres of (sotto voice) fucking!!! (non-sotto voice) cedar trees for your viewing pleasure.
…thought: Hmm…I wonder if that awful stench is the smell of cedar trees plotting pollen-y slash allergic-y death for humans?
…but I digress (again).

I couldn’t roll the windows down to escape, and as it had already insinuated itself into my car I was pretty much stuck. Add to this the fact that most drivers here have the annoying inability to drive in any rain oh, at all and that means that I spent an extra 20 minutes tootling along with the Stench of Forty Thousand Years. { /vincentpricevoice }

Gosh darn you, stenchy drive! Gosh darn you to heck!

I sit in my supposedly-environmentally controlled computer lab – eyes streaming, nose & sinuses burning – and I wonder just WTF the Universe had in mind when it decided mucous was a fan-tastic idea. I am a step away from jabbing a turpentine-covered baby-bottle brush up my nose just to scratch my brain*. ’cause its itching, too.

Just so that we are all freaking aware of it — Austin sucks major allergen ass. There is something allergic happening every damn day. Mold, cedar, weed, grass, trees (other than cedar) and for all I know, alien fungal spores.

EVERYthing has a longer growth life here. Including Republicans.

*
It feels like there are a billion ants, wearing fuzzy slippers & dusty feather boas doing the cha-cha in my sinus cavities.

Yo.
I am alive.
I am a lung-mucous factory, however. If I don’t soon get better I *will* start making sacrifices of Chocolate-Covered Paydays & Dr. Pepper (*) to Ryleh, Cthullu et al, in an appeasal attempt.

*
Two of the vilest food stuffs known to man. Only Elder Gods of Dooooooooooom (+1…against monkies) would appreciate them.