Chemical shorthand for "You will now sneeze forty times in a row!"
Trying to think through the haze of histamine and anti-histamine is an exercise in frustration. There is nothing more annoying, as a writer, as getting a good idea and not having the wherewithal to sit down at the computer with it.
And while I am completely grateful that my allergies are few – only mountain cedar and mold – they are vile enough to make me consider the desert as a viable living space.1
So! Today, I am trying for a more grateful attitude. And I do have much to be appreciative of. On a personal level, Literary Austin just put my news up on their website. Which is super exciting! Also, The Girl got tagged for the gifted and talented program at school. My Mom’s move went well, with no Michael Bay-esque explosions. Mister Man got a capital job offer with the state.2 Elder Kitty is doing as well as can be expected, even though we just found out that she has a plethora of endocrine issues. Also, in exactly one week and a day, I will start university. Excited? A bit, yes. Freaked out? Oh, my god. You have no idea.
I am guilty of being an over-planner. Its true.
You guys are totally shocked, right?
Confession
I have a spreadsheet (color coded, even) that tells me my daily schedule. I track my food intake and exercise output on Livestrong dot com. I have a Google calendar linked to three other calendars (my sweeties, my school calendar and my BFF’s) wherein I track my daily life as well. I sync my calendar(s) to my phone and it sends me reminders to do things.
Perhaps I should use a stronger term than "over-planner"?
In spite of all this redundancy, I still manage to forget things. This is because I am way cool, y’all. Things like checking my email or I dunno – participating in the daily blog that I signed up for.
*sigh*
What this means is that I miss things like Jane from Jane in Her Infinite Wisdom telling me that she’d given me the Liebster Blog award. I had NO idea what that was, or what it meant until I went over to Jane’s blog. (I’m so cool, Brewster.) This is what she said:
“Liebster” is a German word meaning dearest and the award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.
Here’s how it works:
1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
2. Reveal your Top 5 blogs (with under 200 followers) and let them know by leaving comments on their blogs.
3. Post the Award on your blog.
4. Enjoy the love of some of the most supportive people on the Internet.
Color me floored.
Quite literally, I am without the ability to express how much this means to me. I don’t about other bloggers but sometimes for me? I write these words – all these words – into a page and they blaze there, black on shadowy white and no one sees them1 or cares that they’re there.
And to have someone as thoroughly nifty as Jane present the award to me? That’s just Squee Sauce on the Awesome Cake. Thank you so very much, ma’am. I will be tripping about the house for days with a goofy-ass grin plastered on my face.
*TRUMPET FANFARE*
And now, in no particular order — Announcing my Top 5 (under 200 follower) blogs
1. Krista & Jess: Us Two & Our Motley Crew
These are wonderful, wonderful women who blog almost every day about their amazing life in the PNW. Go for the recipes. Stay for the chickens and the cookie-eating dinosaur.
2. Bottlecaps and Broken Bits
Eat, drink, travel. The photographic travel log of a foodie. Or the foodagraphic log of travel junkie? A bit of both. A couple of brothers travelling the world, eating its cuisine, being mesmerized by the beauty they find in both. Go and read.
3. Tempest in a Tibetan Bowl
Gorgeous and inspiring words from a woman who explores every corner of her psyche. I live in awe of her writing and her courage.
4. The Dead Console Society
AJ tells you like it is – from gaming to writing to having your sweetest doggy companion pass away. He strips off the BS and hands your heart back to you.
5. Phoenix Living
The writerly times of Reesa Brown, an author and astonishingly strong woman in Central Texas.
I read these every day, as they post. I encourage you to do the same.
Of course, there are many more blogs that I love. I think that this award has sparked me to finally put together my “BlogRoll” – a collection of the people whose words mean something to me.
To the folks I nominated, feel under no obligation to do the same. It is a nice way to shine a light on someone’s work that you admire but it is in no way a mandatory thing. Thank you for the words you write. Thank you for the insight into all the things that you do, see, endure, enjoy. Y’all are inspiring.
One of my favorite songs came on the radio as I drove home from the grocery store. I sang along with a fierce face, pointed my finger at the windshield as I howled the chorus. It’s a stupid song – the lyrics are fairly ridiculous – but, it’s a grimace-inducing, fist-shaking experience. Whatever the meaning of it is, the lead singer tells you about it with feeling. His voice sounds like he just staggered away from a mano-a-mano fight at the local biker bar. Probably having to do with the virtue of the local heart-of-gold hooker. I imagine him standing there, bleeding and singing to his tawdry beauty. Intent dark eyes, bristly beard, bulgy muscles. *rawr*
Anyway, after the food and sundries were all put away, I wanted to hear the song again. Fortunately for me, Al Gore invented the Internet1. I typed in my search parameters, queued up the video and …
Whoa…is THAT really the lead singer?
More Googling revealed that yes, indeedy that is the lead singer of AWOLNATION. So not what I was expecting. And where in the hell does he hide that voice? Because that is the voice of bruised knuckles, stained white hats and righteous anger. It is the voice every knocked down cowboy, staggering back up to his feet to give the Bad Guys(TM ) what-for.
It is not the voice of Spindly Emo Guy.
But apparently, it is. This is what expectations do for you. I expected this guy to look a certain way based on his voice. I had built up a picture in my head, added flavor and nuances and associated emotions. And was totally floored by the truth. Spindly Emo Guy sings my song. I hate spindly emo guys. What is that going to do for my enjoyment of it, going forward?
My Mom called this morning. Mostly, it was to catch up and gossip. I usually talk to her about once a week. After some back and forth about family things and upcoming Thanksgiving plans3, I casually asked her if she had gotten the picture I’d sent a couple days ago.
Oh, jeezly. Now what?
I hadn’t heard back from her about it and truth to tell, I was disappointed. I mean, when I’d posted that very same image on Facebook – many of my friends had given me a virtual thumbs up. My Mom, on the other hand hadn’t even mentioned it. She was my mother and I was anticipating a somewhat different reaction. An excited call. An email with a lot of exclamation points. Something. I got zilch. Zippo. Zero. Nada.
Well, she is a busy person. She works hard and her weekday hours are vastly4 different than my own. Maybe she had just forgotten or gotten overwhelmed at work or something. So, during our call, I brought it up again.
“Oh, yeah. I saw it.” [ho-hum tone]
“Well, what do you think? I got accepted to Texas State!” [très excited, bouncy as a mucous factory can get]
“That’s nice.”
“…. ?” [if there can be a questioning tone to silence, mine certainly had it]
“I mean… Bon, how’re you going to pay for it?”
Now, I gotta say that my first reaction to her reaction was one of hurt. Really, Mom? “How’m I going to pay for it?” That’s your response? I answered her question [“Um, the same way I was paying for ACC – grants and loans”] and got off the phone. My chest was a tight and hurty place. I just, I dunno…expected her to act differently.
Mom, I am disappoint.
I went and did my errands, still chewing on the phone call.
“How am I going to pay for it? [weighs tomatoes] Really, that’s her takeaway from the news that I got accepted to a major university? [digs in the yellow onions, looking for something non-bruised] I should think she’d be a little more excited, or something. I mean, [ew, rusty lettuce!] if Summer told me that she was accepted to university, I sure would be shaking pom-poms and such.”
And people – that’s when it hit me.
My Mom was not behaving in a way that I expected her to. That’s why I was so upset. I had expected her to be excited for me, to jump up and down, to get a touch shrill. That’s what Moms do, right? Well sure – if your kid is a teenager being accepted into a university for the first time. It’s not necessarily the same thing when that kid is a 41 year old woman.
Her response was perfectly valid. Maybe not ego stroking, but perfectly valid.
Mister Man and I have been struggling financially for the last few months. She was responding to her adult daughter with a concern. Her expectation was that I was an adult, a mother first. I have long since left my teen years behind.
All of which leads me back to AWOLNATION.5
We can’t really let our expectations of others set the tone for our relationships with them. To do so will often lead to disappointment. Yes, have a standard of acceptable behavior. Yes, have morals and likes and ethics and preferences. Yes, feel a certain way.
Do not expect others to conform to the bull that lives in your head, though. That is a fast track to a sad you. The only person that you can reasonably have expectations about is yourself.
1 – Not really. 2– Ask me how I know about the segue thing. ß Not a work-safe link, btw. 3– There is some concern that the infection that I am recuperating from might cause problems for my Aunt as she is currently on chemo. I am no longer infectious but…chemo doesn’t play nice with immune systems. 4 – Try 4 AM to 8:30 PM, every day of the week. Sleeping in on the weekends means that she will stay in bed all the way to 7:30. 7:30, people. *jibblies* 5 – You knew there’d be another segue, right? I think its mostly because I like saying and writing the word “segue.” 6– First off, that is what I thought that “Maybe I’m not listening” first was. Yay, misheard lyrics. Second, I have no way to embed the video for your enjoyment. Go forth, listen. Grimace, shake your fist, bend in double as you shout “SAIL!” Then, slap on your stained white hat and go downstairs to wrangle the kitchen into order. 😉
“Liebster” is a German word meaning dearest and the award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.
The Process 