1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table —
— Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island —
— but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker —
— but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class —
— because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder —
— and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope —
— it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road —
— and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France —
— would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race —
— they ended up in a tie.

10 Time flies like an arrow —
— fruit flies like a banana.

11 A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall —
— the police are looking into it.

12 Atheism —
— a non-prophet organization.

13 Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway —
— One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

14 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger —
— then, it hit me.

15 A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center —
— ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16 A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital —
— his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17 A chicken crossing the road —
— is poultry in motion.

18 The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison —
— was a small medium at large.

19 The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray —
— is now a seasoned veteran.

20 A backward poet —
— writes inverse.

21 In democracy, it’s your vote that counts —
— in feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

22 When cannibals ate a missionary —
— they got a taste of religion.

23 Don’t join dangerous cults —
— practice safe sects!