I have decided. I want a gun that shoots powerful little magnets that have flags with sayings like,
“If you’re gonna drive like that, may I recommend the AARP? I hear it has a fine discount on blue hair rinse.”
“Die, you pusbag.”
“Either drive or chat on the phone. Or, barring that – drive into an abutment whilst doing both.”
“Oh, hey! You cut me off. You win! You and all your ilk will be the first against the wall, come the revolution.”
“Its an ambulance you cretin. Get out of its way.” **
“Yield almost ALWAYS means ‘stop moving, check for traffic & move on’. Not, roll into intersection and come to a complete stop.”
“Go home. You forgot your meds.”
“Blue smoke means its time to change the oil. Its the next step on the idiot indicator; the one right after the little light on the dashboard. The step after blue smoke is engine death. This has been your PSA for today.”
“I’m dieting. I’m bleeding from my crotch. Are you really, really sure that you want to get in front of me and slow down, shit-for-brains?”
“Yup. That was my exit that you just caused me to miss with your antics. Heh. That’s OK. I’m gonna follow you now. Where we going, and is it a lonely, dark place?”
** — I would also very much like to arm the ambulances. Yeah, they are on a mission of mercy. It would help if the others asswipes on the road realized it and let them do their fucking job.
The Process 
*** Ambulances
but then someone would have to call an ambulance for the guys the ambulance shot (unless they were GOOD shots…or very heavy weapons in which case, hey , collateral casualties and more ambulances..)
Re: *** Ambulances
The could use EMP technology combined with a cattle shunt (on the front of the ambulance) to shut down & move off the road those morons who won’t clear out of their way.
And really, it would only take a few times with the heavier weapons before even the most inbred mouth breathers got the message. If its one thing that most of those types grok, its implied threat.
I always liked the idea of arming a car w/ fore & aft paintball guns.
*snicker* I do too.
Especially when some doofus is drivng behind at night w/ his high beams on…
(plus it’s cheaper than trying to arm it w/ missiles…)
Very fortunately, one of the grooviest things about my vehicle is that the mirror darkens to compensate for fuckwits like that.
Alas, the 2 old beaters I used to drive weren’t that technologically advanced. Since I don’t drive any more, best I can do is help friends mount the paintball guns on their vehicles. 😉
Yes, that was my idea. My variation was to give cops paintball guns and motorcycles. They can drive through traffic and paint offenders. Then magnet-armed helicopters can just lift marked cars off the road.
Bwah.
Mind if I link this from ?
Go for it!
Done! Hoping you don’t mind, I fixed the “its”—“it’s” typos in a few places while quoting.
Gallagher (yes, that Gallagher) once said that cars needed to have a dart gun that fired darts with flags on them that read, “Stupid.” If you got enough flags on your car, the cops could pull you over for being a complete idiot.
A rather disturbing, British dark future gave emergency services oversized vehicles and the right to plow through anything that was between them and the reported emergency. When you heard the sirens, you got the FUCK OUT OF THE WAY, or you were shoved over, run over, etc.
I want a targetable cellphone jammer. Preferably one that makes the battery catch fire.
Heh. Stupid flags. Brilliant!
Which dark, disturbing British future? I want to read about it.
Battery catch fire? What about one that makes all the permalinks it to their face? If they are going to be on it all the damn time, why not make it obvious to all and sundry so that we may know them for their foolery?
SLA Industries. It’s an RPG. Out of print, hard to find, and difficult to play. But it had some lovely, dark elements.
I am now starting an odyssey to find it.
If I ever get a working subwoofer disruption device, I’ll start on the targetable cellphone jammer.
Actually, considering that there are cellphone jammers out there already, all it should take is refitting one with a directional broadcast antenna. Hmm. Something for a more techy sort than I am.
If you ever get a working subwoofer disruption device, I want one, too!
Kid and I almost got rammed by a fucking moron in a Silverado on the way to school this morning. We’re approaching a construction zone in a residential area and this jackass flies by us just barely on the right, doing at least 50 mph, dives in front of us to get back into the lane, then slams on his brakes so he doesn’t run off into the ditch on the right.
I laid on the horn (Zoe has dual Fiamms, she’s a loud bitch when she needs to be) and high-beamed him. You’d think that kind of reaction from a white Crown Vic would put FEAR into him, but no.
Amusingly, we were no more than 10 seconds behind him for the rest of the drive, because others got in front of him. Heh.
Idiots on the road anger me. Idiots on the road while I have my precious kidlet in the car?
Well, that is what the “die, pusbag” flag is for.
(Wandered over from Metaquotes)
You forgot the “Why thank you for riding my ass so hard I can practically taste your bumper.”
and “Why yes, please, feel free to keep flashing your high-beams, but know this; every time you do, I’m going to *slow down* another 5 mph.”
Re: (Wandered over from Metaquotes)
o hai!
In the same vein, there is “You’ve been riding my ass so long, I am now burping chrome.”
Personally, I find the brake check makes the would-be bumper-humpers fall back.
Re: (Wandered over from Metaquotes)
Just putting my 2 cents in…I’ve always wanted to make this bumper sticker:
I don’t do anal, so get off my ass!
(probably more information than you wanted)
You might get arrested for firing projectiles …
But there programmable light boards for cars, into which you can store x number of messages. (You might have to edit for length.)
Re: You might get arrested for firing projectiles …
But people too stupid to drive will surely be too stupid to both drive and read?
I guess I’m being a bit nerdish to say this, but my housemate and I were thinking of somthing similar, as cyclists who are very unhappy with inconsiderate drivers – something to say ‘You almost killed me, you are a bad driver’ or something to that effect.
Our plan was a vinyl patch with wide hems you can slide slim neodium magnets into, and then throw them at car doors, they’ll stick to metal but won’t risk obscuring the view by sticking on the windscreen, and then the driver has a thing on their car that says ‘I can’t drive’, without noticing it.
Anyway, I like the idea of flags, might work better in some situations.