Month: January 2012

Plush Girl

~ Bon Steele ~ 7 Comments
Macha_The MeeteningKitten FaceMACHA-monorail kittyYou weren't really reading this, right?Delicate KittyHer throne
Socks? Are evil.^_^IMAG0181Porch Kitty is plush.Porch KittyMACHA_cat doily_100
macha sleepinMACHA_51MACHA_55KittenFace the Destroyer Hanging out on the couch

Plush Girl, a set on Flickr.

I am not exactly sure how to write this. You have been a part of my life for the last 16+ years. You picked me that day so long ago. You climbed my leg and claimed my heart all for your very own.

Now you’re gone. My plush girl. Thunder-paws. KittenFace. Cat Doily. Macha.

You were the best of kitties.
You kept us safe from the evil of socks. You held down the carpeting so that it wouldn’t get away. You were always there with a purr. You were the only kittie I ever knew who could give a hug, tucking a paw to either side of my neck and snuggling your head into the socket of my shoulder.

Oh. I’m going to miss you so much.
My heart just hurts and hurts and hurts.

Tomorrow, we are supposed to take your body to the vet’s office. They will have you cremated and then I’ll be given a small box full of your ashes.
I don’t know if I am ready for that. I don’t know that I’m ready to not comfort you during thunderstorms. Or to reassure you that there really, really is food in the bowl even if you can see the bottom. I don’t have to stay in bed extra-long so that you don’t have to move from your place behind my knees.

I know that I am not ready to not see you when I come home, holding sunbeam court at the top of the couch. It was your place once the arthritis got so bad that you couldn’t greet me at the door like you used to. You won’t be following me from room to room any more; it didn’t matter where you were so long as I was there, keeping the forces of chaos at bay. No more nose strokes or rubbing your silky little ears. No more bed snakes to attack and kill on sight. Or praying for pettin’s.

I’m glad that we spend last night together on the couch, watching the Firefly marathon together. Two geeks sharing a love fleece blankets and great characters. I will miss snuggling you.

I love you, old girl.

Goodbye

~ Bon Steele ~ 4 Comments

Plush Girl

Originally posted at
My Dreamwdith account. I also post on my site, The Process 

 Comments welcome. :)

Phoenix

~ Bon Steele ~ 8 Comments

While I was out for dinner with a friend last evening, I got a text from my best girlfriend.

“Honey, have you been on FB in the last few hours?”

And to tell the truth, I was a trifle irritated. I thought maybe that there had been some sort of drama1 or maybe a political action of some kind. You know – something that could conceivably wait.

I was wrong.

I replied that I had been away from the computer for several hours and was nowhere near one at that moment. A minute later, my phone began to ring. That was when the first trickles of dread started, I think.

I picked up and she gently asked me if I was sitting down. Yes, I was.

“I’m so sorry; our friend has passed away…”

I’m not sure what all she said after that. It felt like I had been gut-punched.

She couldn’t be gone. Could. Not. Her baby was less than a year old, her step-son needed her calming presence. Her friends and family loved her too much for her to pass away. No way was life as unfair as to take her from everyone. She had beaten cancer. Beaten. It.

But, she hadn’t. Her poor body had finally given out, tired from the pain and fight.

And I am just so overwhelmed with sad and guilt and anger and where in the fuck did time go?  I am left feeling that I should have made the long trip to see her more often. Why didn’t I shake off the quagmire of depression and go? I didn’t though. And now? Now there is no more time.

None.

“Y’know how you get all wrapped up in life, and you keep thinking there will be time later? Don’t. Just… don’t.”
– friend

My heart is hurting for the hole left by her absence in her circle’s lives. I am worried for her children and her husband. I am so goddamn angry at the medical community that treats cancer from the symptoms inward. I am even more furious at cancer itself, taking our tribe away from us.

How dare it?

How fucking dare it!

 

In your travels today, tomorrow, onwards… Take a moment to look around. Make sure you are loving on the people around you. Make sure that those you care about get hugged and touched and loved enough. Tell them funny stories, tell them sad stories, keep them in the loop of your life. Don’t let things drift because there will be time.

There isn’t.
There is never enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 – Not that this friend is in the habit of drama-mongering or anything like that. I just literally couldn’t think of anything else that would have her text me with that message.