Wow.
To call last night “interesting” would be to also say that the Inquisition lasted a couple of years. Not that I’m comparing the two, cause last night wasn’t bad, per se. Just..not at all what I had expected.
Confused yet?
I’ll ‘splain.
No wait, there is too much. I’ll sum up.
So yesterday evening, I got home from work and as per my usual routine, checked my email. Lo and behold!, there was an email from MOM@ohmygawd.net (not the actual email address) entitled “Your Journal”. Naturally, I panicked. I freaked. I went back through several days worth of journal entries and was more than a little alarmed at what I’d written. Innermost secrets! Stuff that I don’t talk to them about! Yikes! Froth! Dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria!
Wait…perhaps I should, you know…read her email before going into Batshit mode. Hrmm…interesting idea. It would certainly save wear and tear on the carpeting and walls. Alrighty then.
*readreadHEY!readreadI DID NOTreadreadooh,she’sgota pointreadreadhrmm…read…*
Oh, dear. Well. Its not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. And she made a couple of valid points. Maybe I should call her? I screw up my courage (and believe me, it *does* take some courage) and call them at home.
One ringie-dingie. Two ringie-dingies. (bonus points if you know that reference)…Answering machine. Either they’re not home or they saw my name on the caller id and are postponing chatting with me. Fair enough. I leave a bland message and disconnect.
Now some of you may be wondering..why on earth would my Mom reading my journal cause me to go into full fight or flight mode? Well, here neatly bullet-pointed for your convenience are the reasons:
* Parental units and I are JUST now getting over some of the emotional scarring left over from my formative years.
* In spite of … or, hell I don’t know maybe because of our past I *adore* my folks. I don’t always get along with or agree with them but I do love them very much.
* That being said there was LOTs of things that I haven’t been telling them (oh, EVER) because I knew that they would freak out, hire hitmen to come and de-programme me or simply withdraw from my life.
Because I could just imagine *that* scene.
“Hi Mom. I’m bisexual, kinky, waaaaaaaay flirtatious, poly and oh, by the way am raising your grandchild in a non-traditional manner/household.”
***THUD****
“Mom? Do you need help off the floor?”
And as you know Gentle Readers, I have been *very* open about myself here in journal land. Which is at it should be. This is not a fictional space for me. I don’t always post deep, meaningful things but its always me.
*sigh*
She did call back. We talked and talked. I explained my point of view. She explained hers. It wasn’t bad. I came away with a few things from that conversation:
a. They love me very, very much and worry about me
b. No, they do not approve of my lifestyle choices but amazingly DO feel that I am adult enough to MAKE those choices w/out condemnation from them
c. Why aren’t I a full time writer? (*)
All in all, not bad. And mostly, I feel relieved. Relieved that I don’t have to smokescreen my life anymore. Well, at least not with Mom and Dad, et al. Grandma (paternal) is an entirely different story.
“Grandma..I’m poly, kinky, bisexual…”
***THUD!!***
“Do you need help off the floor?….Grandma! Stop crawling away! And…Put. The. Bible. DOWN!
* — seriously, this was brought up again and again by Mom. She feels that I have “great potential” as an authoress. Dad has always felt that way. I can’t begin to list the times he’s told me that he thought I had several books in me.
The Process 
Aaaaaaaagh! That is so not a talk I’m ready to have with my mom!
Oh, yeah, and Mare Montoya?
Love Laugh-In!
*snort* Better let him out then!
Yeah, Lily is a Goddess O’Comedy. (bows west to LA where she [presumably] lives and does the “we’re not worthy” salamn)
It wasn’t bad. I mean, I won’t say it was all sunshine and roses but it was calm and non-hysterical. Best of all, I don’t think that there’s deprogramming papmphlets in my/our future.
Now…to have that talk with Nita (J’s mom).
If we’re outted, then we’re outted is my opinion.
Re: *snort* Better let him out then!
I think my mom suspects, but since neither of us brings it up or gets ‘weird’ abou it, I don’t think it’s anything that would be problematic.
Prince Albert you say?
I didn’t think we did either – but apparently Mom can read me like a well loved if somewhat hard to understand book.
She *knew* something was up. She just didn’t know what. And (being as I’m alot more like my folks than I care to admit) she was deadly curious about it and went looking. *sigh* And found my journal.
Cause I’m bright and use “triplemare” for many internet purposes. LJ, AIM, YM, email. Yeah, technically savvy, that’s me.
No, I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with my choices either. I was afraid of telling some folks about our lifestyle because I figured they’d bail on us. I wasn’t willing to risk that because it a.) it wouldn’t be fair to Summerkins and b.) I LOVE my folks really alot.
*sigh* Mostly I am just feeling a big weight off my shoulders.
This is why you should not post anything in your journal that you would not want read aloud in the town square. Because it very well could be.
ESPECIALLY not in public posts… and LJ’s privacy is well-documented to be quite falliable.
Yeah, I grok that. Ironically enough I posted a link to an article about that very thing not too long ago.
But understand that my folks are about as technically minded as oh…that end table over there and you’ll understand why I felt pretty safe.
Of course, parents like any human being are always on the learning curve (and mine aren’t un-intelligent. Far from it – where d’ya suppose I got my *blinding* wit from?). Mom apparently stumbled across it and read it; then felt we needed to “talk”.
At least now I can let go of some of the assumptions I’ve made over the years. Mom & Dad will not spontaneously reject me if I step across their comfort level, for one.
Believe me, that lil gem of an epiphany is worth all the sweat and nerves last night.
Read “stumbled across” as “went looking for”
And for the rest…most folks that read my journal are people that I don’t mind being outted to. I’m comfortable in *who* I am. I just wasn’t (until about 730 PM last eve) comfortable talking to the ‘rents about it.
*grin*, leaving a hug*
I’m glad that your parents are that open..
Well….”open” is a relative term! Har! I made a funny! Relative, parents…har har hehm…nevermind.
At any rate, I am glad that they aren’t freaking out like I thought that they would. However, I am about 300 miles away from them so it could be that they are freaking out and I just don’t know.
But they aren’t *calling* me and freaking out. So I’m taking it as a good sign that they are if not OK with my lifestyle choices, at least…I don’t know, understanding?
At any rate, yes its good to be able to be honest with them.
Well, you’re luckier than I am..
My mom downloaded pictures of her sucking cock and other nasty things onto my laptop one time…
*laugh*
Holy crap!
I .. I…
jesus, words fail me.
That has GOT to be a weight off your shoulders! I’m so very lucky that my mom and brothers (which is the part of my family I talk frequently to, value the opinions of, and spend significant time with) knew my beliefs in theory before they became a reality, in fact before I met either of my partners.
Mike just told him mom last weekend. She’s concerned, too, especially since there are children involved, but yes, she loves him anyway, and won’t stop being a part of his life. Bravo for caring parents, even when they disagree with their children’s lifestyle choices.
Openness is so much better so everyone concerned, if at all possible (and sometimes it isn’t).
Congrats on your new-found openness! 🙂
Sorry about the typo (“him mom”); I’m at work, in a hurry, and didn’t proofread that at all before I posted it. 🙂
No worries on typos. 🙂
Bravo, indeed for caring parents.
Glad that worked out.
I’ve thought about maintaining separate journals… one for family / co-workers / casual friends, and another for closer friends.The last thing I need is for my aunt and uncle to think I’m satanic.It would be nice to voice concerns about MS’s privacy issues without getting black-listed from working there.According to the ACLU, the FBI may start a file on you for disagreeing with the policies of the President.Ben Franklin is said to have used many different personnas to convey different messages to different audiences throughout his life. Each of us presents a different face to different social circles. Maybe that should be the norm for blogging in journals, but, oh, the up-keep!
Personally, I can’t maintain all those different personas. Too much trouble. I have trouble keeping up with just *myself*.
When I came out about being bi, etc. it was on a talk show – in 1994. I had to tell my parents then so that when my redneck relatives called and mentioned it – they’d be armed with defenses.
While I was in NY filming said talk show – My Dad called my Mom and said “you know Marian is gay?” Mom said, no – she still likes the cock.
Um.
Yeah. 🙂
It is kind of a relief to get it out there. Now my mom points out girls and asks “is that your type”.
I have to explain, I don’t have a “type”.
*rofl*
Sounds like something my mom would say. 🙂
my mom is a trip that’s for sure.
Yeah, but she sounds right groovy. Although, I think I might be slightly squicked if my Mom started pointing out potential partners.
“Honey! Look at the ass on that one!”
“Aaargh!” *sporks self repeatedly in eyes*
always a good thing to tote along a spork for just those reasons.
I haven’t read the other comments yet… so, I’ll throw in what everyone else has probably already thrown in… it’s Lily Tomlin. I have that sketch on tape.
*bling*
I’m so glad it went well. *praying my folks don’t find mine*
“Do you need help off the floor?….Grandma! Stop crawling away! And…Put. The. Bible. DOWN!
*gigglesnort*
And the sad part is, that is exactly what would happen.
Ah, well.
Dontcha just love it when parents surprise you and love you even though you haven’t quite turned out the way they might have wanted?
I claim the bonus points for Ernestine!
Wow. What an unneeded and uncalled for shock that they’d read your LJ without asking first. I mean, it’s a diary. You had no idea they could find it. You don’t read your daughter’s diary.
OTOH, glad things worked out so well! That there was actually talking and discussion and point/counterpoint and stuff. And justly earned compliments. 🙂
*bling*
(bonus points awarded)
So remind me again why you gave your mother access to your journal in the first place?