or I’ve come to a realization, is a more accurate statement.
I?
Am not goddamn Superwoman, no matter what my fucking last name happens to be.
I cannot:
do 18 hours of school
raise a child
get good grades
keep house
and try to maintain a contact with the people that I truly love
all at the same time.
Something’s gotta give. And I will be good and goddamned if it will be anything from “ool” on down.
So. I am dropping a class. I struggled with this alot. I talked about it with Mister Man. I kept telling myself that I could do anything that I put my mind to. That I am an extremely capable person. Meanwhile, I can see things going neglected;all of it in the “ool” on down list.
I will be dropping one class. One.
I am sad, angry at myself, guilty and secretly relieved.
Because, already I see vistas of time opening before my startled and weary gaze. ooh! An extra six hours of my life back a week? Really, really? Ohthankyouthankyouthank, for coming to your senses! she seemed to say
The Process 
18 hours sounds like 6 3-credit classes, and I still cringe when I talk to an undergraduate in junior year of electrical engineering, because that year more or less everyone takes 6 3-credit classes, 5 of them technical, and I well remmeber what a grindstone pass that was. And this is for run-of-the-mill undergraduates, with no other responsilibties thann school, that I wince in sympathy. You have no cause feeling guilty, not at all.
I’m dropping a three credit hour class. But it frees up a whole afternoon on both Tues and Thurs.
I will do this class as an online or distance or something; and I will do it *later*.
🙂
YAY for you!!!
Don’t feel bad. You’re only human like you said. And a mom, close-enough-to-a-wife, friend, etc… Space time bending can only happen to a certain extent.
I am trying not to. But, I’ve got a head full of the “couldawouldashouldas”. I am exorcising them as they pop up.
You know what? This is the exact sort of scenerio predicted back in the 50s and early 60s by those who considered the possible results from women going to college and seeking careers. They figured it would either go one of three ways:
1. She would sacrifice her education and potential and be a housewife, but always feel unsatisfied and feeling she’s not living up to her potential.
2. She would live a chaste life as a career woman (yes, they seriously figured she would be a spinster)
3. She would attempt to be both career woman AND housewife, which is way too much for one person.
While I disagree with the obvious assumptions they were making, they were spot on with #3. Unfortunately, we seem to think that women CAN do this. It’s insane and it’s creating far more stress than anyone should ever have to endure. While having a spouse/partner/friend/relative can help, being a single parent with no such support rules out that possibility so long as the children are too young to care for themselves.
Know your limits. You can’t do everything. No one can. Anyone who thinks they can is lying to themselves (something we’re really good at doing).
I do have a partner helping (BF/fiance type) but he works 60+ hour weeks in 12 hour shifts. So it has mostly been like the laundry and the occasional washup of dishes. For which I am *grateful* (we hates laundry, precious)
I am giving up one three hour class (U.S. History); so I am still taking a full load (15 hours).
That gives me Tuesday/Thursday afternoon *free*.
So I won’t be trying to do homework; help the Girlie with her homework; cook something semi-nutritious; pick a household chore,any household chore, on and on and on, *every* night.
And yet…knowing, KNOWING that I am doing the right thing by saving my sanity — I still feel vaguely guilty. Like I have somehow failed to live up to something. *whaps head into desk* Out-out ye spirits of Socially-Induced-and-Endorsed-Stupidity!
Yes, indeed – out, o voices that don’t belong here! Scram, o wisps of couldawouldashoulda! Beat feet, o self-doubt! Blow me, oh unnecessary guilt!
How about a life? I don’t think anyone who matters worth a *bleep* would begrudge you having a life.
You? You are made of win. I shall cover you in chocolate flavored kisses and melting embraces next I see you.
Which, with me dropping this class, means *soon*.
Bweeeeeee!
I always felt guilty whenever I dropped a class but inevitably it passed when I realized how much better I felt about everything. I could never do the work/school thing, even when I had no kids: that’s just too many balls to juggle. If I ever get to go back to school it will be after Zoe’s gone to school herself and/or we become independently wealthy (tittering laugh).
Also? Just knowing that I won’t have to sit through another of That Woman’s boring, 1 1/2 hour lecture. Wherein we could NOT record her but had to take notes solid for that 1.5-don’t-you-dare-rustle-at-the-twenty-nine-mark-and-this-will-be-on-your-test.
Dear lord. The fweedom. The sweet, sweet fweedom.
Anyone wanna do lunch next Tuesday? I gots TIME!
I do work about 5 minutes from your house, ya know. 🙂 Could be any time.
Ooh, izzat a date?
(i also realize that for whatever stoopid reason, i do not have a Pepe Le Pew “Fliiiirt” icon; which would have been *perfect*, herein)
Hellboy counts. 🙂 So does the wuhvwey Broomhilda – wish I could get an animated icon of her blinking.
Yes, it’s a date! Anytime you wanna make yerself available for (cheap) lunchy bits.
“Yes, I know it. I can’t help it!”
*snort* We’re off to see Coraline…Wish you could come…./subtle (heh, not) hint droppage.
Got a wedding to get ready for right after work.
Aw man, there’s nothing worse than a professor like that. I had a Greek professor like that: dropped that class like a hot potato. Cheers to freedom!
That’s a wise decision. =)
Thankee sai.
*taps throat three times*
Does this mean I can stake a claim on a Tuesday afternoon? If I have a flag? 😀
Why, yes.
Yes, it does. Claim me! Plant your uh, flag! 😀
*casts about for the tag*
Oh! Here it is. (/subtle) Oh, you poor dear. Mare never uses you, does she? *pets the quiveringly shy little subtle tag*
It takes a strong woman to know her limits…and selfishly it means I might get a chance to see you occasionally.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for not being “perfect.” No one is. *hugs*
Ye gods, you need morer you time than that.
Something gives now or the brain gives later
You did the right thing, if you want my take on it. 🙂