8 Days a Month

 Earlier this morning, my Mom sent me this:

Queso, sera sera. Whatever will cheese will be...
Queso, sera sera. Whatever will cheese will be…

 I giggled and replied with, I may or may not have had cheese dip (with roast chicken leftovers stirred in) for lunch yesterday. 

SPOILER ALERT:  I totally did.  

😀 

 Of course, I am in the EAT ALL THE THINGS portion of my monthly cycle. Which, interestingly enough, coincides with the NOTHING FITS portion of it.”

Funny, right? 
It got me to thinking though. Because really, it’s true. I don’t know about other women, but the week right before (and sometimes a day or two into) my period, I suddenly turn into Prymaat Conehead.

I will enjoy it.
I will enjoy it.

SOURCE: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ue503

There is a burning need to consume mass quantities, usually of the salty, greasy variety.

Sometimes I amaze even myself.
Sometimes I amaze even myself.

Leftover Hawaiian pizza w/a lightly fried egg on top. Yes, I made and ate this. Don’t judge.

I can stop anytime.

But, why?  Why does this happen? Am I the only one that is like this?  Am  I doomed to a bigger pant size every month (other than that caused by bloating)?

I know that I have written about period things before. And maybe some of you guys are tired of reading about it.
“I know you have it, but do we have to actually *talk* about it?” 
“Can we just pretend that it doesn’t exist?”
“It’s just so…”

I'll just leave this right here, 'kay?
I’ll just leave this right here, ‘kay?

SOURCE: http://www.thefightnation.com/warning-this-article-is-all-about-uriah-halls-gross-looking-broken-toe/

Too bad.
No, seriously.  If your body did weird and gross things every.single.month you’d want to discuss it at some length, too. Especially if part of the whole process added an extra $45 per month to your grocery bill.

Mmm. Cheeeesey.
Mmm. Cheeeesey.

SOURCE:   http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/02/haters-gonna-hate-but-heres-26-pictures-of-freaking-amazing-looking-nachos/

And not the good-for-you sorts either.

So why? Why do we suddenly decide that binge eating for the week or so before a period is a good idea?

Turns out, that at least some of it is caused by a hormone called progesterone.

I hate you luteal phase.
I hate you luteal phase.

SOURCE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progesterone

This little bad boy, right here, is a mean appetite stimulant.

 As it turns out, it also causes you to store salt and water, which leads to bloating. All of which tells me that it isn’t the queso so much causing my expanded waist size 8 days a month. It’s the hormones.

Defect Report

To Whom It May Concern….

Originally posted at
My Dreamwdith account. I also post on my site, The Process

 Comments welcome. :)

Defect Report

This is your TMI warning.



  • Name of Reporter:  Bon Steele
  • Version or Build:  Unknown, no backend documentation provided with build
  • Module or component:  Female, uterine and associated bits
  • Platform / Operating System:  Human
  • Type of error: Design Flaw
  • Priority:  Major
  • Severity: High
  • Status:  Entered (again)
  • Summary: Intermittent Hardware Issues Across Multiple Platforms
  • Description: Varied behaviors across different platforms. [Please see Defect Behavior.]

Design Flaw Report

Intermittent Hardware Failure(s) Across Multiple Platforms

Steps to reproduce vary according to platform. Some users are reporting a 28-day cycle with regular and reproducible errors. Other users are stating that the defect happens sporadically, with no fixed pattern. We also have reports where the defect happens in a continual manner.

In these instances, the user often requires a patch to maintain normal functioning.

DEFECT BEHAVIOR

  • Fluid leakage
    • Occasional detritus, in some cases
  • Discomfort within the main system
    • In many cases, pain at a 6 or better has been reported.
      [Please see accompanying diagram.]
  • Accompanying failures of systems
    • Intestinal is the most reported
  • Discomfort and/or malfunction of critical systems
    • Headache
    • Muscle fatigue and/or pain, often at a 4 or better.
      [Please see accompanying diagram.]
  • Endocrine and/or hormonal fluctuations
    • These can create a multitude of issues including (but not limited to):
      • Irrational behavior
      • Unstable fuel consumption
      • Chassis covering eruptions
      • Interrupted down time or broken sleep functionality
RECCOMENDATIONS

We recommend pulling this functionality from production until these issues have been resolved.

PAIN DIAGRAM