I sneezed so hard this morning, I gave myself a headache. Fucking whee.
Three cups of joe & a couple of Excedrin later, and I am more or less human again.
Month: November 2007
The Real Tips
So, I am noticing a lot of helpful, advice giving articles on how to have the very best Thanksgiving, ever!
Like this: Tips on Having Thanksgiving Like Regular People
Uh-huh. Here’s MY list:
1. Put off buying the food until the day or night before. The scrap with others shoppers over that last 8 lb turkey and box of Stove Top will get your blood pumping and ready to deal with the next 8 hours of cooking.
2. When your estranged family member calls at 8 PM the day before to let you know that they are coming to dinner, say “Why Jim! Of course you can come! We welcome the chance to see you, your alcoholic wife and your nine children!”
3. Paper plates. Seriously. No one wants to spend the four hours after dinner washing dishes.
4. Put everything breakable up. Not out of reach of the children, but up. In boxes. In the closets. Do it. You will thank me.
5. Also, hide the matches. You do NOT want a repeat of the s’mores incident from the last year, do you?
6. Make sure that all the plumbing is in good working order. Get a Port-a-Potty or similar for Jim et al.
7. Wal-Mart sells those little card tables for pretty cheap.
8. That being said, use old bedsheets for the kid’s tablecloth. They don’t care and you won’t lose your mind when one of the little urchins pours a gravy lake on it like they did to your antique lace the year before last.
9. Resist the urge to spike the iced tea/holiday punch/lemonade with Benadryl.
10. Give thanks that Thanksgiving is only once a year. And change the locks once your family have gone.
….Fighting.Urge.To.Kill….
There’s apparently a business in Austin called “Megladon”. It sits right next to “SabreRex” and “I-Rex”. I have absolutely no idea what they do or make. My pre-coffee brain insists that it has to be giant, mechanized dinosaurs and such, though. I’m OK with that. It means that at least 1/2 of my $winterholiday shopping is done! And, really — who *wouldn’t* want a full-sized mechanized sabre-tooth tiger?*
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New Gnus from the land of the idiots:
The Girl had a giant “cultural” project to do. It was supposed to be a glimpse into her ancestry – their homeland, their customs, some of their history — whatever Kiddo wanted to cover. She had two weeks to get it done. The first week was at my house — I gave her some information and I chatted with exJ (her Dad) about. I remember stressing that it was due on the 9th.** Flash forward to Monday morning, the 12th. I am at work.*** I get an email from the Girl’s teacher stating that her project was not turned in and could it possibly get turned in on Tuesday?
*whaps head into desk, repeatedly*
Oh, but wait! It gets better! Figuring that she had simply forgotten it at home, I called exJ and asked him to deliver the thing on Monday evening.****
He drops it off and leaves. Its a basic kid-project. Tri-fold piece of posterboard and a worksheet with some questions regarding her ancestry. I glance over the worksheet and have to choke back horrified laughter. Its pretty obvious that whatever else happened last week, homework help wasn’t part of it. Seriously. The worksheet said something about her ancestors coming from “Afrika” and that they spoke “afrikan and inglish”. Plus, that her ancestors didn’t like grapes. And that was all.
I’ll let that sink in.
Now, while its true that there is evidence that alot of folks’ WAY-back ancestors come from Africa (Lucy, et al), I am pretty sure that the teacher meant for her to cover her more recent ancestry. Not people who are about 200 generations out.
When I asked the Girl about what all had Dad done to help her with the project she said, “…oh, he couldn’t help me. He was in his bedroom.” ~
*beats head into wall, now* What in the friggedy fuck was he *thinking*?! Does it even occur to him that this is her LIFE and education that he is screwing with? Kids her age – the elementary school set – don’t have much social life – most of their time and energy is taken up with school at this age. Later – in Jr. High and High School – she will have outside interests and obligations. But for now? This is pretty much it. This is when her study habits will be initially formed. This is where she will learn to enjoy school, enjoy learning.
I am….I am at a loss. I want to talk to him and be reasonable. I also want to snatch custody away so that he cannot further harm her. At least during the school year. I am not perfect – we run late, forget stuff, etc. But, good grief. I don’t generate emails or phone calls from her teacher like he does.
* – The critter. Not the Marvel villain.
** – You see where this is going don’t you?
*** – Our swap schedule has us picking up le Child on Monday evenings from the YMCA (her afterschool program).
**** – He started to ask me to drive out to him and pick it up. *raises eyebrows in a complete and utter “OMG, are you fucking kidding me?!” expression*
~ – where his computer is.
The Process 